I am labeled "NED" (no evidence of disease) on my chart since my last scans. Since then I have been trying to figure out how to live in the space of healing. The Oncologist's plan of action is blood work every three months and scans every six months. So every three months it is time to do more tests and time to wait for results. I can't even explain how much I want to completely trust Jesus and believe that the next tests will be good. But the question comes up in my mind "What is the definition of good test results?" If the tumor marker numbers are high does that mean the good days of no doctors and treatments are over? How would I handle it if the cancer does come back? How would I find the energy to fight cancer again? But each time I know the answer - God would still be good, I would still know He is with me, and He would give me strength and grace to walk through whatever happens.
So Tuesday was another lab appointment and I am sad to say the weeks/days leading up to the appointment I found myself worrying too many times. I didn't talk about it much because how do you say "God healed me of cancer but I am worried sick about the next tests" ? See it sounds like I don't really have faith doesn't it? Living from one test to the next is a reality of living post cancer/treatments.
Monday eve I was laying in bed in the dark and I just blurted out the question. "Honey, aren't you worried about my blood work tomorrow? " His response took me off guard - he just said "No, I am not. Are you?" Are you kidding me? My flesh almost wanted to hear him say he is stressed too but I know he is a man of God and one strength he has is he doesn't spend time worrying. Why was I surprised? Maybe because I had given so much space to my flesh and my misery wanted company. I knew right then and there I wasn't fooling myself any longer. I asked God for peace and strength for the
next days during the test and waiting for results and I confessed my anxious thoughts and worry to Him.
God is so amazing and always keeps His word. He filled my mind with peace and I slept real good that night.
Today I got the results from the test and I am so overwhelmed once again that the report is good! My numbers are in the normal range again so the plan is to enjoy the next months free of treatments and stressful tests!! Thank you Jesus!!! He is continuing to heal me and I am so grateful.
At the supper table this eve I asked Dale if he was serious when he said he wasn't worried. He said yes he was. I said I am OK with him not helping me worry but I am gonna ask him to help me celebrate. So we all went out tonight and enjoyed some good ole Ritas ice!!!
