Wednesday, September 17, 2014
What I Know
There is this song that i heard for the first time the day I had my scans and the Dr called before I even got home and he wanted to see me that day yet. I was on my way back to his office when I first heard this song.
What I Know talks about when we don't understand what we are going through and the tendency is to throw our fists in the air or have an all out shouting match because of how unfair and scary this all is.
But what I love about this song is how it talks about holding on to what I know. Knowing that no matter what I feel God is never more than a breath away and He is real - more real than anything else. As I talk about my cancer journey to my boys I remind them often of three things that I hold on to no matter what.
The first thing is God is real and He will never change. This means I can read all about Him and who He is in the bible and it is always true and real for my life today. How comforting to know that when all around me things are changing so fast I don't know how to keep up.
Second on this list is God will never leave me. He is ALWAYS with me. I don't have to ask Him to be with me when facing a scary test or procedure - but rather I can THANK Him for being right with me. I often picture myself crawling on His lap for comfort. Because (I will let you in on a secret I have) I am actually scared of lots of things when it comes to needles and pain and anesthesia and on and on...so He is my safe shelter when I am freaking out or scared.
Third is God always has a plan and purpose for everything we walk through. Some days I struggle with wanting to argue with God about some stuff. One thing is I just want to know how me spending days on end with no energy to do anything but sit on the sofa is a good plan. But I was challenged 5 years ago by my brother Amos when he was going through cancer and fighting for his life. He said to me one day when I took him for his radiation treatment. "Carol, if you don't believe and trust that God has a good plan for everything you don't have faith." He went on to say that his journey doesn't make sense to him but he is willing to walk the journey in faith that God has a good plan. What a testimony of faith he was to me that day.
So I choose to walk this journey one day at a time and trusting in God's plan for my life.
On Monday Dale and I met with the surgeon in Baltimore again. He was happy with the last scan and we scheduled surgery! I am relieved to know there is a plan in place to remove the tumors but at the same time a little freaked out. He talked about things that could go wrong and complications that could happen. But once again I say God is the final authority over my body and I am not counting on the Dr to perform a miracle but I am trusting my God for healing and any miracles He sees fit to bless me with.
I am believing that surgery is just another step on my path to healing.
Be blessed!
What I Know click link to listen.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
My Story
My story doesn't start with cancer but cancer is a part of my life and has challenged and changed how I do life currently.
In February 2014 I went to our Dr with symptoms that had been slowly getting worse over a couple months time. I am a wife to the amazing Dale Glick and mother to three awesome sons and i wanted to keep ignoring my physical symptoms because I wanted and prayed for them to just disappear and life to go on as we knew it. We had a family vacation planned in Feb to Florida for my nephews wedding and i decided I was going to wait until after the trip to go to the Dr. Initially the Dr wasn't worried but she did refer me to a Gastro specialist. The specialist also wasn't worried but he did schedule a colonoscopy and endoscopy. When we did the tests they found a tumor in my rectum.
So that day we did a ct scan to check for more tumors those scans were clear and we were so thankful for that. I did 6 weeks of chemo and radiation 5 days per week. That was all done by May 23. I didn't have severe side effects and was very tired but most certainly not sick like I was warned I could be. We did a follow up ct scan the end of June to prepare for surgery to remove the tumor. I wasn't even home from doing the scan and my nurse called and said the Dr wants to see me at 2 that afternoon.
I knew right then that there was bad news. I called Dale and was barely holding it together. He was working in Lancaster that day so his boss dropped him off at the cancer center and met me for the appointment. The cancer spread to my liver. The scan showed 6 spots on two parts of my liver. The conversation we had that day with the Dr made it feel like my world was coming crashing down and I still can't write or talk about that day with out shedding tears. In his words " This means your cancer is stage 4 now and it that means we label it incurable and surgery is not an option for the near future. We will treat it with strong chemo and try to make the spots shrink then maybe do surgery."
Up until this point the Drs were very positive and had a plan that everyone was confident would get me back to life as before. But this day the nurses and Drs words were more like "I am sorry and we will make you as comfortable as possible" I wanted to yell at them and say - nothing changed - I am still reaching for healing - don't give up on me. We did more blood work and a liver biopsy in the next weeks and prayed for a miracle like never before. We got the results on a Monday and started chemo the next day. I am currently in a pattern of chemo every two weeks.
Through Leona Smucher who has become a dear friend and encourager to me and is a rectal cancer survivor herself we met lots of other survivors that have been such a blessing. One of those ladies was very blunt with me one day and said " I don't want to tell you what to do but - get a second opinion." She gave me the hope that things can be better than just waiting on chemo to work. She went to Mercy Hospital for a second opinion after being told basically what I was - Chemo to manage the cancer. She gave me the number for her surgeon and told me what to expect and how to get all my records. I am so thankful for her and her encouragement.
When I called them they got me an appointment for that week yet. The conversation with the Dr that day felt like hope in one way because he said he is willing to do surgery on my tumor and also liver at the same time and that was what we wanted to hear. But he said things like "You are giving me a big job" and "if the cancer spreads more before the next scans we will be in big trouble" and also "I am not a miracle worker - but I will do my best". I didn't cry in the Drs office but by the time we got to our car I was falling to pieces. I can't explain how low and discouraged I was the rest of that day and weekend. I cried out to God and poured all my frustrations in a raw ugly way like never before.
I felt guilty for being mad at God but Dale once again stepped in and spoke truth to my heart and reminded me that God wants me to be real with Him and it doesn't change His love for me. I am so thankful for God's grace and love that sustains me every day.
God has blessed us with amazing friends, church, and family who make up a community of support and encouragement to us daily. In my posts I will share stories of our daily life and also things God is showing me about Him and life along the way.
Be blessed!
In February 2014 I went to our Dr with symptoms that had been slowly getting worse over a couple months time. I am a wife to the amazing Dale Glick and mother to three awesome sons and i wanted to keep ignoring my physical symptoms because I wanted and prayed for them to just disappear and life to go on as we knew it. We had a family vacation planned in Feb to Florida for my nephews wedding and i decided I was going to wait until after the trip to go to the Dr. Initially the Dr wasn't worried but she did refer me to a Gastro specialist. The specialist also wasn't worried but he did schedule a colonoscopy and endoscopy. When we did the tests they found a tumor in my rectum.
So that day we did a ct scan to check for more tumors those scans were clear and we were so thankful for that. I did 6 weeks of chemo and radiation 5 days per week. That was all done by May 23. I didn't have severe side effects and was very tired but most certainly not sick like I was warned I could be. We did a follow up ct scan the end of June to prepare for surgery to remove the tumor. I wasn't even home from doing the scan and my nurse called and said the Dr wants to see me at 2 that afternoon.
I knew right then that there was bad news. I called Dale and was barely holding it together. He was working in Lancaster that day so his boss dropped him off at the cancer center and met me for the appointment. The cancer spread to my liver. The scan showed 6 spots on two parts of my liver. The conversation we had that day with the Dr made it feel like my world was coming crashing down and I still can't write or talk about that day with out shedding tears. In his words " This means your cancer is stage 4 now and it that means we label it incurable and surgery is not an option for the near future. We will treat it with strong chemo and try to make the spots shrink then maybe do surgery."
Up until this point the Drs were very positive and had a plan that everyone was confident would get me back to life as before. But this day the nurses and Drs words were more like "I am sorry and we will make you as comfortable as possible" I wanted to yell at them and say - nothing changed - I am still reaching for healing - don't give up on me. We did more blood work and a liver biopsy in the next weeks and prayed for a miracle like never before. We got the results on a Monday and started chemo the next day. I am currently in a pattern of chemo every two weeks.
Through Leona Smucher who has become a dear friend and encourager to me and is a rectal cancer survivor herself we met lots of other survivors that have been such a blessing. One of those ladies was very blunt with me one day and said " I don't want to tell you what to do but - get a second opinion." She gave me the hope that things can be better than just waiting on chemo to work. She went to Mercy Hospital for a second opinion after being told basically what I was - Chemo to manage the cancer. She gave me the number for her surgeon and told me what to expect and how to get all my records. I am so thankful for her and her encouragement.
When I called them they got me an appointment for that week yet. The conversation with the Dr that day felt like hope in one way because he said he is willing to do surgery on my tumor and also liver at the same time and that was what we wanted to hear. But he said things like "You are giving me a big job" and "if the cancer spreads more before the next scans we will be in big trouble" and also "I am not a miracle worker - but I will do my best". I didn't cry in the Drs office but by the time we got to our car I was falling to pieces. I can't explain how low and discouraged I was the rest of that day and weekend. I cried out to God and poured all my frustrations in a raw ugly way like never before.
I felt guilty for being mad at God but Dale once again stepped in and spoke truth to my heart and reminded me that God wants me to be real with Him and it doesn't change His love for me. I am so thankful for God's grace and love that sustains me every day.
God has blessed us with amazing friends, church, and family who make up a community of support and encouragement to us daily. In my posts I will share stories of our daily life and also things God is showing me about Him and life along the way.
Be blessed!
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