What I Know

There is this song that i heard for the first time the day I had my scans and the Dr called before I even got home and he wanted to see me that day yet. I was on my way back to his office when I first heard this song.

 What I Know talks about when we don't understand what we are going through and the tendency is to throw our fists in the air or have an all out shouting match because of how unfair and scary this all is.

But what I love about this song is how it talks about holding on to what I know. Knowing that no matter what I feel God is never more than a breath away and He is real - more real than anything else. As I talk about my cancer journey to my boys I remind them often of three things that I hold on to no matter what.

The first thing is God is real and He will never change. This means I can read all about Him and who He is in the bible and it is always true and real for my life today. How comforting to know that when all around me things are changing so fast I don't know how to keep up.

Second on this list is God will never leave me. He is ALWAYS with me. I don't have to ask Him to be with me when facing a scary test or procedure - but rather I can THANK Him for being right with me. I often picture myself crawling on His lap for comfort. Because (I will let you in on a secret I have) I am actually scared of lots of things when it comes to needles and pain and anesthesia and on and on...so He is my safe shelter when I am freaking out or scared.

Third is God always has a plan and purpose for everything we walk through. Some days I struggle with wanting to argue with God about some stuff. One thing is I just want to know how me spending days on end with no energy to do anything but sit on the sofa is a good plan. But I was challenged 5 years ago by my brother Amos when he was going through cancer and fighting for his life. He said to me one day when I took him for his radiation treatment. "Carol, if you don't believe and trust that God has a good plan for everything you don't have faith." He went on to say that his journey doesn't make sense to him but he is willing to walk the journey in faith that God has a good plan. What a testimony of faith he was to me that day.

So I choose to walk this journey one day at a time and trusting in God's plan for my life.

On Monday Dale and I met with the surgeon in Baltimore again. He was happy with the last scan and we scheduled surgery! I am relieved to know there is a plan in place to remove the tumors but at the same time a little freaked out. He talked about things that could go wrong and complications that could happen. But once again I say God is the final authority over my body and I am not counting on the Dr to perform a miracle but I am trusting my God for healing and any miracles He sees fit to bless me with.

I am believing that surgery is just another step on my path to healing.

Be blessed!

What I Know click link to listen.