Dance Upon Disappointment??

     There is a song that I recommend you take time to listen to today. Heroes _ Amanda Cook  (Click on link to listen)

     Alyssa sent me a text the other day and said "You need to listen to this song" When I get an order from Alyssa I pay attention. She is one of the most encouraging, uplifting people I know. Needless to say I listened to it and promptly bought the entire album so I can listen on repeat whenever I want.

     The part that I cant get out of my head is this -

I will trust
Here in the mystery
I will trust
In You completely

Awake my soul to sing
With Your breath in me
I will worship
You taught my feet
To dance upon disappointment
And I, I will worship

     This past month has felt and still does feel like a season of disappointment. Scans I did the end of September showed enlarged lymph nodes in my abdomen. So we dived in full tilt to tests and Dr appointments again. A biopsy showed cancer is back again.

     Just today we went to Baltimore to see my surgeon for his opinion. He agrees with my oncologist that surgery is not an option right now and the best plan of action is to start chemo again. I am not even going to pretend to be excited about this but I will listen to the advice from Dr Gushchin. He said "If this was me I would focus on short term goals and work real hard to do each step well." To his credit he did say that there is no way he can put himself in my shoes and feel what I feel but he said "there is no way I could spend time trying to predict the future - it would be too overwhelming."
   
      I pray for purpose in this journey every day and also courage to fight this battle. I am trying to wrap my mind around dancing upon disappointment and then renewing my commitment to worship even in the midst of the difficult. My heart wants to and I know only God makes joy a possibility in the middle of huge disappointments like this. Pray with me that my Joy would be restored and I can focus on one day at a time and learn to trust God completely.
   
     On a much happier note - Dale and I got to spend a week in Texas to celebrate our 20th Anniversary last month!! I will tell you all about that in another post.

     Thank you to so many of you who have been praying, caring and encouraging us. We are so grateful for friends and family who walk beside us so fearlessly in the journey. We love you all!

    Be blessed and please keep praying -

*  for our family as we all work to sort through our emotions
*  for wisdom for the Drs that work so hard to take good care of me
*  for courage to keep fighting this battle
*  for physical and spiritual healing in my body